More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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