So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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