I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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