I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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