so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
