I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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