Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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