He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
