I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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