We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
