can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
