3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
