On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
