dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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