a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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