There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
