Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
