She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The air was thick with penises
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
