Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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