I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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