Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
