The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
