Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
