I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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