How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
