so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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