Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
