the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
