White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nutella sex= disaster
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
