The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
