I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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