No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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