is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
