I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
