Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's Friday. Sex?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
