I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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