I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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