Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Non-Jews are for practice
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
