oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
