I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
