I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
