just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
