I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
