8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize