Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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