i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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