I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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