I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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