You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
