There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
