and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
