Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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