we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
