she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
