But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
