saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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