Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
