You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
