Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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