You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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