Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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