So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
