Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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