Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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