Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
