i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
