Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
