Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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