All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You can't special order awesome
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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