i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
